Pvt. Pinko's Parade Of Parody

You Know Yer Being Proposed To By A Redneck When…

title redneck

He’s rigged up the backyard with an elaborate array of pipes & fuel tanks that, when turned on with great fanfare later that evening, shoot out huge flames that spell out “Marry Me”

He proposes to you under an arbor made of beer cans & used tires

He tries proposing DURING a NASCAR race: “what?”…”will ya marry me?”…”what?!”…”i said will ya MARRY ME!”…”WHAT?!!!”

After 29 years and 4 kids, your sister proposes to you at the Washington County Fair demolition derby

He says that, though you first met at a gangbang, he knew in his heart then that you were the one

He pretty much just says “hey…let’s make this fiasco legit”

He says the first two marriages you had together were just practice…”i reckon third times the charm”

He whips out the ring with Cheetos fingers & proposes after the winning Superbowl touchdown

His asking you to marry is his way to finally put to rest the family feud

He’s doing it at somewhere fancy… like an Arby’s or IHOP

He bought you a battery operated wall mounted trout that asks “Marry me, honey & let’s spawn us a new dawn” then wiggles along to Mexican trumpets

He says “let me make an honest woman out of ya… and i can finally erase your name from the truck stop washroom”

He says “i’ll marry ya but don’t go tryin’ n’ wear a white dress…cause my friends done know real well otherwise”

You’re the last of your 7 sisters he’s asked this week

He asks you first if he already proposed to you last night…cause he’s a bit sketchy on what happened due to the drinking

He asks if you mind that he’ll keep plugging away at the mule

When you accept & he says “great!…now how do you about polygamy?”

Last night, your pa showed up at his trailer with a shotgun & a choice

He’s preemptively, yet confidently, tattooed your name on his arm… right below the other ex-wives

He does the honourable thing to ask your dad for your hand… which also happens to be his dad

He proposes while you guys are out hunting, ‘taking’ a ring out of a ‘felled’ deer carcass & slipping it on your finger…then he gets down on one knee and says “it’s open season on my heart, baby, and it’s ready to be wall mounted”

Your folks inform you that you’re getting married & that’s all there is to it…

He’s so excited that he managed to stay relatively sober all evening

He asked you last night and you told him no…and he’s asks you “how ’bout today?”

He says he wants to propose “…if it’ll quit yer bitchin'”

All text (c) Copyright 2009 Private Pinko/G. Brogan


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